double edged knife???

ok, not sure if that's even the right term but it's along those same lines, do you know what i'm talking about?? anyway, awesome news, got way more than expected back in tax, like i'm talking i got thousands and was expecting hundreds. so that's going to save me for some time, dad and i are currently working out the best way for me to use it. he thinks all on my credit card to reduce the amount owed, even though i'm going to use, i was going to put it into savings and keep some out to continue paying off monthly amount due. will probably go with his idea seeing as will probably still need to borrow a little bit.
the other side of all this was i get a letter from maya yesterday with invitations to her's and mo's 21st, obviously knowing i won't come but a lovely gesture, means a lot. anyway, she sent me a letter which i started reading then got distracted and didn't get back to until really late last night (where's this going you're wondering). so i get to the bottom of the first page and she mentions jenni (pronounced yenni, was a finnish exchange student i was close to during years 11 and 12) coming back and fancy that, like i knew about it. and for some reason i completely flipped. maybe too over the top but i was pissed. not at maya but about michelle and mona who've known for at least weeks and not bothering to tell me. or at least tell people not to mention it to me. then i got really pissed because i have people sending me shit and my own best friend still hasn't sent me a card for my 21st or a damn thing come to think of it. so now i sound selfish because i know she's busy and works heaps of hours and is now planning to move to darwin (prior to me coming home). this all sounds selfish. so anyway, i flipped, got mona's number, sent her a text asking her if there was some info i was spose to know, and she texts me saying she's no idea what info i want and then i switch on my other cell today to find that she's actually left a voice mail and if it's about jenni then let her know. there's no doubt a very valid explanation, maybe people didn't think to tell me because i won't be there for xmas or new years, maybe they just forgot because their lives are so busy. millions of reasons, but i got upset. so i've been stewing over it and ended up giving my anger to michelle, who has no clue about that. i know i shouldn't, i know i shouldn't even care so much, it's great that jenni is finally able to go back to australia which she's wanted to do since she was there but i just feel left out. again, selfish me.
so that's it. college was alright last night, i was tired though and am super tired today so think i'll just go down to my room after this and go to bed. oh but i went to matthew's school today!!! i went to do a math exercise with a pumpkin then carve it, my first pumpkin carving!!! and it was a great job too i might add!!! matthew really liked me being there and i'm going back in to give a talk about australia. it was great to be in there because i've never been in a first grade class room when i wasn't a student and it's what i want to do in the future, teach. obviously seeing as that's what i applied for.
anyway, will go now. hope all's well.