dream analysis

i've been having strange dreams. overly strange dreams. there have been 6 strange ones. the first three were about 3 males, the first night johnno, the second night aaron (good god why? we haven't spoken since that horrible night at the drive thru when i managed to not be able to say a word, i know it's me! how could i have no words, but i didn't) an then it was dean (don't ask, i've no idea, i won't live it down now seeing as i mentioned it but in order to explain the dreams i need to give all details). then i had a bit of a break from them and came back with one where i was pregnant in it! like i actually woke up and went what then checked my belly. then i had a dream aprker died. i don't know how that fits in, no idea what so ever. i just dreamed it and woke up and it was so life like. then, last night, this was the dream to top all weird dreams so far, i was at an abortion clinic and for some reaosn the girls waiting for an abortion (there were quite a few) had to go and sit at this discussion table and talk about it (now i know they don't do that in real life) anyway, some are there with partners and others are alone and michelle is waiting for me in the waiting room but she can't come in and at the last moment (i think we are given a vial of what it looks like when they suck it out [my mind is completley fcked]) i get up and walk out saying i can't do it. i get outside and then aaron appears (why is he in my dreams???) and he's like you don't have to if you don't want to and for some reaosn i'm at a beach and he's like we can have the baby and i'm like how (all very dramatic this dream was) and he has no money coming in but can apparently look after the baby and then we're toing and froing and finally we go in at a different time and i assume i have an abortion. how fucking off the planet are these god damn dreams? so, good old michelle who i've been informing her when i wake up of these dreams (i don't know if she actually reads them at like midnight or 1am but who knows) emails me today with this analysis (she has no degree in this by the way):
It's kinda wierd your dreams all have a male in them as a focal point,either a male or a baby. Maybe having a family is playing on your mind a little more now because your looking after a family that isn't your own and maybe you're wondering how you would be as a mother.
aaarrrgggghhhhhh what the? she could be right though because yesterday i was sitting on the couch watching emily and i thought to myself, god i said i was ready for kids but i don't want this shit. no doubt it'd be different with my own but hell, emily is so damn stubborn i don't want a stubborn child. maybe that's why i had an abortion last night, because that notion has changed and it was killed off in my dream. i dunno. it's just weird.
thanks to angela's advice i've enabled comments to be made. or i think i have. you can always test it and see if it works, if it does i'll find out, if it doesn't then email me if you're that desperate.
pat is at icu again tonight. her dad is in a very bad way. i don't know if he will make it. emily pooed, oops, pooped in the bath tonight so that was gross. apparently matthew likes scooping it out with a cup thing but he was in the other bath so i didn't want to ait and did it myself. gross gross gross. but at least she did one today.
emily and matthew have been good. i enjoy spending time with them but find it hard with emily demanding attention, she doens't do the play on her own thing when we're in the room, she has to be included. which is understandable. it's just she rips the pages from the books matthew and i read and look at together.
anyway, my toes are cold and my back hurts so i'm gonna go lie on the floor.
hope all is well!