Getting Old
Today it dawned on me that after I turn 21 I turn 22. Which is logical. But my life to date hasn't seen me actually get out there and do anything with my life for the long term. And what I'm doing now still doesn't count because all I'm doing is following through with a statement, which is a start I guess but it's not really setting me up with a career or family, which are long term.
Since I finished school I've done a different thing each year. Variety is the spice of life but it isn't setting me up. I need to make a decision by August as to whether I will study or not, which you're probably like, it's so far away but it's not. It's less than six months away. It's March already! It's my birthday in two weeks (March 14, so you all know and remember) and I'll be 21 which was never anything big until I realise after that I am 22. If I'd gone straight to uni I'd be finished by the time my 22nd year is over so now I feel like yet again I missed the starting gun and watched everyone else run off and I got stuck behind which is where I always feel like I am, running in last (like usual!). So here are my options:
-Go home and look for work
-Go home and go back to Swann, begging for work
-Apply for fulltime study in September and work part time at Safeway or a supermarket while I do that
-Apply for part time study in September and look for a full time job
-Go home and sponge off my parents because I still don't know what I'm going to do
See, the last option is probably what people would go, yeah do that, but I can't spend my parents money, I still think about the money they gave me when I was still up in Wodonga and they had moved to Melbourne and I was always broke for some reason (smokes, alcohol and fuel is the reason why). And I think I want to study but I that leads me to believe I'm a commitment phobiac because it takes so much time. And I've also no idea what I want to study because that's like I'm already deciding what I will do for the next 40 years of my life. Which is also forever. And leaves me a nasty debt to pay off. And do I really want to be a teacher or should I go into PR or should I study writting and find a job in a magazine (sounds so glamorous).
So many decisions I have to think about. Obviously I've far too much time for thinking on my hands but if I don't think about it now when will I think about it? I need to be prepared. I need to stop using my credit card (I can already see into the future - I get home with a maxed out credit card, no money, no job and hopelessly depressed because I've no idea what I'm doing with my life).
It's a hard life.
Since I finished school I've done a different thing each year. Variety is the spice of life but it isn't setting me up. I need to make a decision by August as to whether I will study or not, which you're probably like, it's so far away but it's not. It's less than six months away. It's March already! It's my birthday in two weeks (March 14, so you all know and remember) and I'll be 21 which was never anything big until I realise after that I am 22. If I'd gone straight to uni I'd be finished by the time my 22nd year is over so now I feel like yet again I missed the starting gun and watched everyone else run off and I got stuck behind which is where I always feel like I am, running in last (like usual!). So here are my options:
-Go home and look for work
-Go home and go back to Swann, begging for work
-Apply for fulltime study in September and work part time at Safeway or a supermarket while I do that
-Apply for part time study in September and look for a full time job
-Go home and sponge off my parents because I still don't know what I'm going to do
See, the last option is probably what people would go, yeah do that, but I can't spend my parents money, I still think about the money they gave me when I was still up in Wodonga and they had moved to Melbourne and I was always broke for some reason (smokes, alcohol and fuel is the reason why). And I think I want to study but I that leads me to believe I'm a commitment phobiac because it takes so much time. And I've also no idea what I want to study because that's like I'm already deciding what I will do for the next 40 years of my life. Which is also forever. And leaves me a nasty debt to pay off. And do I really want to be a teacher or should I go into PR or should I study writting and find a job in a magazine (sounds so glamorous).
So many decisions I have to think about. Obviously I've far too much time for thinking on my hands but if I don't think about it now when will I think about it? I need to be prepared. I need to stop using my credit card (I can already see into the future - I get home with a maxed out credit card, no money, no job and hopelessly depressed because I've no idea what I'm doing with my life).
It's a hard life.
posted by hookeymonster at
10:52 AM
1 Comments:
i'll tell you what you should do (cause i'm so damn good at it). enjoy your time in america while you are there! it goes so quick and you will remember it for the rest of your life, so you might aswell have something good to reminisce on.
that said, you are a bright spark and the longer you put off going to uni, the harder it will be. then you'll end up 25 with an av job, accumulating debt, no real direction, graduate friends and a little voice in the back of your mind saying 'go to school, ange- oh, sorry, KELLY.. you are better than this..' apply for uni in september to do an arts degree. that leaves you with an absolute plethora of options, and you can make the important decisions later.
you may call me, yoda.
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