realisation
i was putting the sheets on the kids bed today (they were washed AGAIN) and had this sudden idea to tell pat that i'm not cut out to deal with alex and that i think it's best if she look for another au pair because i can't handle it anymore. then emily was there and i realised i adore her too much and couldn't go. plus pat came home in such a brilliant mood that i couldn't. so now i'm like a limbo in my head. plus i have the dreams so much about going home and i don't want to go home but at the same time, on afternoons like today i couldn't think of anything more attractive.
anyway, last night i came to the realisation that i don't kids for a very long time. so i don't need to worry about uni and not having kids because this experience will take so long to de-stress from that i don't think i'd be a good mother. i'm so like my mother. not that she's a bad mother, it's just we've very high standards. fair enough my mum does a lot for me, but not to the point that i get up from the table and leave all my dishes like these kids. or dump things on the floor and expect them to be magically picked up. perfect exaple, we leave eric and morgan's (kids two doors down) house today and i'm holding emily and her coat and alex says here and i turn around and she's holding out her coat for me to carry. i said no way alex and she's like, you're holding emily's and i said that's because she's 18 months old and can't carry her own coat yet. to these kids i am a maid. i get that alex hs trouble but she hs arms and legs which are mobile and which she can use all on her own but that doesn't matter, because i'm here and she thinks that i can do everything. drives me crazy.
so right now i guess things are on a bit of a downer for me. plus i've got a shitty headache which is so painful that i'm going to go to bed very soon. just spoke to pat. not about the actualy issue but got out how i was a bit frustrated and she just laughed. not mean laughed, just like, an i underastand laugh. i feel better now. inside. not in the head and guts. i should go to bed.
have a nice weekend australia.
anyway, last night i came to the realisation that i don't kids for a very long time. so i don't need to worry about uni and not having kids because this experience will take so long to de-stress from that i don't think i'd be a good mother. i'm so like my mother. not that she's a bad mother, it's just we've very high standards. fair enough my mum does a lot for me, but not to the point that i get up from the table and leave all my dishes like these kids. or dump things on the floor and expect them to be magically picked up. perfect exaple, we leave eric and morgan's (kids two doors down) house today and i'm holding emily and her coat and alex says here and i turn around and she's holding out her coat for me to carry. i said no way alex and she's like, you're holding emily's and i said that's because she's 18 months old and can't carry her own coat yet. to these kids i am a maid. i get that alex hs trouble but she hs arms and legs which are mobile and which she can use all on her own but that doesn't matter, because i'm here and she thinks that i can do everything. drives me crazy.
so right now i guess things are on a bit of a downer for me. plus i've got a shitty headache which is so painful that i'm going to go to bed very soon. just spoke to pat. not about the actualy issue but got out how i was a bit frustrated and she just laughed. not mean laughed, just like, an i underastand laugh. i feel better now. inside. not in the head and guts. i should go to bed.
have a nice weekend australia.
posted by hookeymonster at
6:13 PM
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