Life goes on

So I'm back in Chicago and was so pleased to be back in the cold and with my friends so close by! Florida was great, but didn't happen at the best of time and spent half the time a bit homesick. Lately I find myself spending too much time thinking about mum's offer to pay for my flight home. I don't want to throw it in but I'm struggling here most days with the kids. Yesterday Alex flew off the handle when I tried to put her into a timeout. It was so intense and I was so angry. It's like I spend my time talking to myself cause they just don't listen and that annoys the crap out of me. I'm tyring my hardest but feel like I'm spending half my time floundering and the other half drowning. Having your own kids is so much different to looking after others, not that I know that firsthand, but at least if they were my own I wouldn't be second guessing myself all the time. Driving me insane. And it's only been 2 months!! Dear god, speed up the time.
I'm going to check out what classes are on offer for the summer because if there's something that takes my fancy then I might get that over and done with. At the same time, taing a class in fall might help the last few months fly. Such a hard decision!
My hours over the next week and a half are so all over the place, and I'm struggling to be able to plan evening stuff cause I don't know what kind of schedule I'm going to have. I'm whinging, I shouldn't be. I'll stop. It's just hard. I want to come home but at the same time I don't want to because I made the statement that I was coming here for 12 months so I need to bloody well stick it out. I don't want to quit. I will not quit. I should write that on a piece of paper and put it on the mirror or something, that way I can keep repeating it to myself. I already am though!
How's everything back there? I must admit my inbox is OUT OF CONTROL. Sorry if I haven't replied, I'm getting there. I'm just still tired. Everything will work itself out.
Take care!