and the beat goes on

busy busy busy.
i can't remember when i posted last. the days blend in together and i forget lots of things. i do remember that i wouldn't have written about my heart swelling moment on sunday. the kids came in from spending father's day arvo with their dad on sunday and i was sitting on the couch watching dawson's creek (finally up to the 4th series, i like it better when joey and pacey are together) and matthew comes up to show me a lego car/truck, alex wanted to tell me something and emily comes up with the cutest face ever, climbs on me and sit there giggling and laughing with me, letting me kiss her. it was such an amazing experience. made me realise how much i love these kids. which finally makes me feel normal because there are times i swear i could ust wlak out the door and not come back because of how crazy they're driving me. which doesn't happen so much these days. and summer vacation isn't so bad at all, i wasn't dreading it, more fearful but it's fine.
today we went to mini golf (emily was watched by a neighbour) and alex's friend caitlin came along which is fine enough but i have never thought she was a good person for alex to be around but never worried about it before because they'd ben friends for so long. so anyway, my feelings came out today when i said to pat that i don't think i would like to take caitlin out anymore. as horrible as it may sound it causes more bad than good. she bosses alex around, undermines me, talks alex (not very hard) into doing things which i asked not to be done, or not that but is sneaky, such as today alex is tired and wants to skip a few holes ahead and be done so i said that's fine and to sit on the seat where i could see them (caitlin said she'd be fine to do that with alex) so after a couple of holes i notice they aren't sitting anywhere i can see them so i do one more hole and then off i go in search of them. now, there would be days when i don't worry about being embarrassed in public, sometimes i can't think of anything worse, but with kids i think it's lost because i walk out there and there they are playing on computer games and those side show thingos and i go "ALEX, CAITLIN, INSIDE NOW" and they prmoptly did so. i think i was so angry because alex follows instruction to a certain degree without hassle when that third party isn't there so i was probably more angry about it had it been just alex who i knew wouldn't have done that. anyway.
interesting stuff. went out last night, had fun, should of had a beer but by the time i decided i wanted one i was going to have to get going and if i skulled it then i would've had trouble driving home. i already did taking the east exit onto 120 instead of the west. stupid me. also, there is a potential love interest... not much can be said because i'm so hot and cold about people that if i go say something i can gaurantee by the time i wake in the morning i'll be over it. but yes. there might be some goss. might not be, it could be another shell service station guy incident.
going now as i want to read and get a nice sleep. i'm healthy (touch wood) at the moment and want to keep it that way, so need to get enough rest and not take it for granted.