oh the devastation. oh the pain. the tears almost shed but stopped on account of mum calling. i stayed up listening to that game, feeling sick the whole time, my tummy twisted up in hope, fear, desire and they lost. by one point. and the thing is, by the sounds of it west coast deserved the win. they did a good job in last year's grand final and obviously this year they just came out and did the job. i was heart broken though. still am a little melancholy when i think about it.
anyway, so then mum rang when it was done. didn't speak for long because rach had somewhere to go. some nightclub called prince. on chapel st. says it all really. her boyfriend really is a poof. so mum's calling again tomorrow night. things apparently aren't well at home, mum's pissed and thinking about divorce. normally i shrug this off thinking whatever but i texted rach to ask her (had to, it was the only secret way to ask) and she said she actually didn't know if it was an empty threat like usual. so it could be bad. i'm pissed off about it. but i can't do anything. why vow to stay together forever if you're not going to? so i've got some issues with that.
then, a funny little story, i got to bed at like 3:30 and before 9 this morning emily for the first time escapes down to the basement with no one knowing bangs on my door saying 'kelly! kelly, open the door! kelly' over and over. so i open the door and pick her but have no energy to walk up the stairs so i take her into my room and let her get into bed for me and wait for someone to realise she's missing. it took half an hour. in the meantime she had almost trashed my bed, ran upstairs to get her juice with no one seeing her, came back down and proceeded to use me a trampoline to jump down onto the bed. oh my god i was so tired. finally i hear them realise and walking around upstairs calling her name and she's sitting on my bed going 'mummy coming, ssshhhhhh' with her finger over her mouth. matthew comes down into the basement and doesn't bother actually walking down there and when i call out i wasn't loud enough so ended up getting out of bed and going to the stairs saing 'she's down here in my bed' so they all come down and she's dropped everything off the bedside table including my glasses which she bent. thankfully i bent them back again. and got back to sleep and woke up at 12:30. so that was my morning.
i worked this arvo and time flew. was a good afternoon. now i am tired and will be going to bed again very soon.
tomorrow i'm studying for my test all day as monday i have to work cause pat has a jury trial starting.
hope everyone's weekend went well.

coming home

listening to triple m, waiting for the grand final and i hear the accent and get a warm fuzzy feeling in the tummy. can't wait to come home! if i'd been listening to the radio during my year here then i can tell you, i they're talking to don't think i'd ever think about extending. i love america, but australia is my home, always in my heart. now here come the swans!!! oh, go swans go swans go swans. and now chelle just told me she gave my number to aaron. oh god. and i had no credit til today so if he texted i wouldn't have got it. mind track has totally gone.
and now the swans are running out! i wish i could cheer out loud!
will go now. the whole aaron thing has thrown me.

talk about lazy. so a bit has happened i guess but am so tired tonight that i don't have the energy to remember. but the swans got in the grand final so have plans on saturday night to listen to it online! have to cancel plans that i made yesterday with sarah to go downtown with her friends to celebrate one of the girls' birthday's. i forgot about the grand final.
apart from that not much at all. heard that jenny, magda's replacement, has complained to her hostmum about marcella and i, which pisses me off cause i couldn't have been nicer. screw being nice to people.
haven't been sleeping very well, think it's stress about money and the trip. am giving up all social life to try and save even more. definitely need to have money saved prior to paying for flights in the future.
have first test next week for class and need to start studying so am getting offline to go do that and try for a good nights sleep because i've got the morning off so am going to to the extra form of my uni app and send the stuff off for that so i can have a clear conscience about that. i seem to be over loading myself with things that have to be done but i keep putting off. good job on me!
hope all is well.

update

so, the weekend went by quickly. went out both nights, fairly uneventful apart from me stopping at green light then driving through a red light because i saw the light ahead had changed. frdiay night i was bit off, hence the bad driving. sunday i went and saw invincible with matthew, was a good movie, maybe not as much football as he'd have liked. last night i had college which ended early on account of the teacher being sick. was nice to get home early but still couldn't sleep even though i was exhausted. accidently nodded off today for like 5/10 mins with em who didn't seem to notice and was playing with the moraca's and singing when i woke up. tonight i went to the library to get some books figuring if i read before bed it'll help me sleep better, i finished the book i was reading on the weekend and have been taking a long time to fall asleep since then.
today is freezing cold. last night i actually put my heater on in my room because i was chilled to the bone. today was really cold, had the thermals on and all today and am about t head down to my room because it's warmer down there.
so fun fun in my life.

time keeps dragging on

tomorrow is my last long day for the week. and i am exhausted. i don't know whether it's the weather doing it (did i mention it's getting cold?) or if i've got some bug or something. it's not like it was a few months ago when i had the sleeping flu (self diagnosed clearly) because i can et past 8 o'clock at night but the thought of getting dressed and leaving the house almost sends me crawling under the covers and hiding until the next day begins. i feel so boring. i feel like i'm letting my friend's down and not giving them anything fun to read about america. so, in saying that, i am writing down my five favourite places in america that i've gone to, both town or specific location, and they're in order:
1. arlington national cemetery - had the power to change my mind to being buried if i had a place as lovely as that to go to. makes you very aware of just how many people are willing to give their lives for this country.
2. chicago and the inner northern suburbs - the city is beautiful and clean and the suburbs remind me a little of home sometimes, the toorak areas on the face of it but the brunswick feel underneath it all.
3. siesta key, florida - it was so nice to see the beach. and the walk into the main street was refreshing. a tiny little place that probably thrives on tourist season. peaceful.
4. sun studios, memphis, tn - elvis and johnny cash first recorded here. need i say more?
5. atlanta - technically, i wasn't in downtown atlanta, but there was a vibe i got there and knew instantly that i had to go back. i got that feeling whilst we were driving along the interstate to the hotel, before we'd actually arrived anywhere.
so that's the list.
have a good weekend australia, it looks like the thrid deat never happend in last weeks bad week.

wow, not a single update over the weekend.
so, friday night i worked and got a migraine. fun. called pat to tell her i was going to bed then took a mersyndol which knocked me for six.
saturday i bummed around ALL day. didn't scrapbook, didn't do homework, did nothing. actually, i take that back, i called everyone to find out what they were up to, realised that all my close friend's who i want to hang out with have left and went up to kenosha by myself to pick up a present for pat. right within budget. it's quicker to get up there than it is to go and see my friends. i called rach that night, her and lachlan have broken up (silent yay!) and she told me all about college and going up to herburn to learn spa treatments (and getting drunk with her principal...). saturday night though i went out. went and picked up jenny, magda's replacement and took her to t.g.i friday's to meet rodolfo, thomas, laura and marcella. had desert there, still within budget.
sunday lozz woke me up and then i started doing my homework. oh my god the pain. i sat at the computer for about 7 hours with the kids home the whole time and no option but to stay here and keep going. and then i found out last night it could all be for nothing. but good anyway because i have never been one to do homework in the past. that took me to 9pm and then i went to bed.
monday i worked, emily threw a grand tantrum about me carrying her, and she couldn't seem to calm herself down so after 10 mins i gave in and picked her up because otherwise i saw no end. we went to the mall and returned some stuff then hung out there, found a halloween store which was great, emily was trying on glasses, very cute. i took pics which are on ringo if you want to see let me know. the afternoon was alright, pat's mum came over. then when i finished at 4 kellie was here and we went to the mall again for her to see the halloween shop, she bought her costume, she's going as a redneck in this costume which has all this added padding, hilarious. had college last night and might not need the main text book which i had bought on ebay (the wrong one, so resold it, did i blog that? anyway, i thought i got lucky seeling it for 99 cents less than i got it at but the chick who bought it still hasn't paid and i'm beginning to think i'm going to get screwed around seeing as i've had no contact since friday when the bidding ended) and then went and bought the correct one last week. but even if we don't need it i'm going to keep it as i found it helped me understand more of the stuff we were learning and reading about in the other two books. during break we saw a spider and one of the girls said she had dreams about horrible spiders and i'm like i've never had one of them so guess what? last night a fucking giant tarantula haunted my dreams. oh my god freaked me out and i was not impressed. i never have bad dreams (touch wood) and so i was not impressed.
today/tuesday: woke up about 10 as i didn't start work til 3 and decided to get up then even though i went to bed really late. did the email thing then went downstairs to finish my book. i think the book has had me on a bit of a down for the day. it was really sad at the end, he didn't die, obviously because he wrote the book, but he spoke about the after affects of the war on him and it was sounded so haunting, i cried for him. how unusual for me. so i scrapbooked til i started work. i was quiet. i didn't notice i was out of sorts until pat kept saying, 'are you sure you're alright?'. i think it was the book. emily and i went down to the car dealership down the street and watched cars being unloaded off trucks for an hour and had to leave because it was beginning to rain. she loved watching all that, transfixed the whole time we were there. and now i've finished work and it's getting later and i am going to go to bed because i have a 10 hour day tomorrow and the kids have early release, which means they're home by about 12:30, so i need to sleep to mend my mind.
and that's it. oh and I HAVE BROKEN THE BUDGET! kellie completely didn't understand me yesterday when i kept saying i can't buy my costume because i hadn't budgeted for it for a couple of weeks. and considering i won't have my tax money til after i get back i need to be super dooper tight.
have fun!

So it's Friday night and I'm working, I've also got a shitty headache and I'm exhausted. Yesterday and today I had breaks during the day and slept both times but I still feel like I haven't slept in ages, it's not usually like me, especially on a Friday, I can generally psych myself up to go out.
Workwise things have been alright, ups and downs.
I sold the text bought I bought on ebay (it was the wrong one) for 99 cents less than what I bought it at, so thank god for that. I was worried I wouldn't sell it for shit.
I've gotta see Sarah this weekend to pay her for The Fray ticket she bought me, I'm going to see The Fray by the way, I can't wait! And Magda's replacement arrives tomorrow so I spoke to Marcella today and think we'll try and meet her on Sunday, she's from Sweden. But I am resolved to only spending money on gas. And I've still no ideas what to get Pat, I'll go out tomorrow or Sunday to go look at stuff.
So yeah, boring boring boring. Oh except last night I had a dream about my grandpa dying and I was so upset, I hope it doesn't happen. If anything happens during the extra 6 months I am staying for I know I'll end up kicking myself and feel guilty. Not that I expect him to die, it was my mum's dad so seeing as he is in good health as far as I am aware then I've nothing to worry about.

tuesday

so today emily and i had gymnastics which was really good, no tantrums which made it even better. the time always flies when we're there. we went for a walk today as well, she was very active which was nice because it was 'pleasant' outside. apart from that not much else happened, alex struggled with her homework and matthew actually had some! i did a budget until the first week of november when i go away and will be cutting out my socialising until then as some weeks i only have $25 spare... the cultural care halloween party is coming up october 21st and we were all going to get a hotel room then it was reduced to staying at the hostel and now i'm just going to drive to the cta park and ride and come back after the party to save money. and i actually think i can manage this, if i do it'll be a bloody miracle because if i don't i'm going to be in a bit of trouble for the trip...
things with my parents have calmed down, they're both so focused on getting the paperwork i need copied for the uni app that i think that has given them something to look to the future to. blah blah blah, really it's just keeping them quiet from nagging me beause they know i wouldn't go to all this trouble if i didn't have intentions on going.
that's all for today. the closer's season finale last night was pretty good, but not as good as some of the stories through the year. all my favourite shows are coming back on again soon which one of my friends sent me an email detailing dates, times and channels. she watches way more tv than me. am going now. oh, i need a favour, i need ideas (very cheap ideas) about what i could dress up as for halloween. one option was boonie cause i've got that boon shirt from volunteering at the cricket last year but no moustache and after the allergic reaction i had to it i don't want to wear a moustache. anyway, ideas, give me ideas!

touched by the news

i am so sadden by the news of steve irwin's death that i'm beginning to think something is wrong with me! as silly as he sometimes was he did so many great things for australia that it is terrible for us to lose such an icon. when lozz msged me this morning at 1am i thought she was joking. then i think maya rang me at about 3 or 4am which i don't quite remember so i should find out if we spoke for long. anyway, the news surprised me.
so the weekend was labour day weekend so i had three days off. i can't remember when i posted last but i know it wasn't over the weekend. friday night after we had the bbq at lorey and keith's i went out and met up with rodolfo and a few girls and hung out with them for a while before coming home and reading (i'm reading a really good book at the moment called one bullet away). i don't think i slept well and on saturday arvo i went and picked up sarah (the aussie i met at the lcc meeting a few months ago) and a couple of her friends and we went downtown and did a riverboat cruise. chicago is such a beautiful city. it was amazing, being out on the lake at night and looking at the city spread out and twinkling. breathtaking is the word that comes to mind. i am sure melbourne is just like this, but i am not a tourist in melbourne. when i was i thought it was pretty awesome.
sunday arvo i met up with marcella, bibi and the girls and we went up to lake geneva in wisconsin. we went late enough that the shops were closing within half an hour or so which was perfect because i didn't go in and want to spend the little amount of money i had taken with me. that was a cute little town too.
today i stayed in all day except to run out and buy stuff to make mars bar slice. it's delicious even though it doesn't have the actual australian chocolate in it. the closer has been on since 8am which is great so i've been watching it all day inbetween scrapbooking (not near as much as i should've). greg was over and i wasn't asked if i was having dinner so came up and they'd finished. i was pretty pissed about that and i don't know whether pat realised or if she was just supplying info but greg had done dinner so that might have been why i wasn't asked if i'd be around for it. so i made my own. emily then spat at pat and greg laughed which pissed me off again cause i'd been spat at last week and that would just encourage her and so pat left. just came back. but she likes the slice!! everyone does.
anyway, this week will be busy workwise, i think it's like four 10 hour days but thursday and friday are split days which i always prefer.
anyway, apart from that fun not much to report. spoke to the parents. my fist almost ended up in my mouth to shut me up from speaking back to mum and dad didn't even mention it but the conversation was completely difficult. but i found out i still may as go through the proper application process and hadn in all the paperwork because if i do that i might get accepted an then i can defer. if i don't do the paperwork then i don't even have a chance to get in. obviously mum is happy about me still applying and then deferring because she's given dad the stuff so he can pay the $33 for the application fee.
will go now. the season finale of the closer is on in 40 mins and i need to watch it!