realisation

i was putting the sheets on the kids bed today (they were washed AGAIN) and had this sudden idea to tell pat that i'm not cut out to deal with alex and that i think it's best if she look for another au pair because i can't handle it anymore. then emily was there and i realised i adore her too much and couldn't go. plus pat came home in such a brilliant mood that i couldn't. so now i'm like a limbo in my head. plus i have the dreams so much about going home and i don't want to go home but at the same time, on afternoons like today i couldn't think of anything more attractive.
anyway, last night i came to the realisation that i don't kids for a very long time. so i don't need to worry about uni and not having kids because this experience will take so long to de-stress from that i don't think i'd be a good mother. i'm so like my mother. not that she's a bad mother, it's just we've very high standards. fair enough my mum does a lot for me, but not to the point that i get up from the table and leave all my dishes like these kids. or dump things on the floor and expect them to be magically picked up. perfect exaple, we leave eric and morgan's (kids two doors down) house today and i'm holding emily and her coat and alex says here and i turn around and she's holding out her coat for me to carry. i said no way alex and she's like, you're holding emily's and i said that's because she's 18 months old and can't carry her own coat yet. to these kids i am a maid. i get that alex hs trouble but she hs arms and legs which are mobile and which she can use all on her own but that doesn't matter, because i'm here and she thinks that i can do everything. drives me crazy.
so right now i guess things are on a bit of a downer for me. plus i've got a shitty headache which is so painful that i'm going to go to bed very soon. just spoke to pat. not about the actualy issue but got out how i was a bit frustrated and she just laughed. not mean laughed, just like, an i underastand laugh. i feel better now. inside. not in the head and guts. i should go to bed.
have a nice weekend australia.

aaarrrrgggggghhhhhh

head lice. i never remember it being as painful as it is at the moment. alex was sent home from school the friday before good friday. the following monday she was home as they still found eggs. the monday after that, they found eggs and she was home again (last monday) and today, guess what? MATTHEW was sent home because they found eggs on him! pat is so stressed out about the whole thing and i'm just going out of my mind. i found an egg on pat tonight and i still believe i am free. as long as i don't think about it, because i itch at that point. i wash bedding almost every day. i remake beds every day i wash the bedding. load after load there is bedding and clothes in the wash. it's insane.
but apart from that fun stuff i enrolled at college yesterday so will get my student number on thursday and want to attend a summer class as by the end of july i will be free with it which means i won't have to worry about missing classes if the folks come over and lozz is booking her ticket over so if i waited til fall semester i'd miss more time for that!
but yes, key sentence, i have a holiday partner! the lovely lozz is coming here for me, and hailey, but me. she'll see me first! we're going to meet in nyc then head down to las vegas, hire a car and see the grand canyon, drive up to san fran and then leave each other in la. very exciting! and i went to the library today and got my library card and borrowed all these travel books on new york, las vegas and the grand canyon. not that i'll read all the books i got, but you know, it won't kill me to try!
not much else going on. i'm scrapbooking again trying to get it finished to send home by the end of may, but thinking about it now it might be worth waiting til after dc so i can send home the sounveniers and scrapbook in that one package. i should find out how much it costs to courier. actually i need to go do that now.
hope you're well!

And so begins another week

I'm still tired. I can't seem to kick it. Maybe it's too much fresh air?? Mind you, last night when I got home just before 1am I rang mum and dad and got off the phone to mum after 3am so then I thought, I may as well use the last of the phone card to call Chelle so I finally feel asleep just before 4am. But I mean, even last night when I was out I was tired. It's driving me insane!
I have taken care of my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary present and mum's mother's day present this week and paid for both with cash! Then today I went to Kenosha, WI to the outlet malls and bought a warm fleece jacket for $15 and a pair of sweat pants and two tops for $34 so I spent under $50!!! I had to use credit for that because Sabrina was early and I wasn't ready and forgot to get cash. So I did pretty well and got stuff that I needed!
I went to the Outback Steakhouse on Friday night. It wasn't that bad, the people were nice and I got a free meal because I asked for no mushrooms on my Alice Springs Chicken and get halfway through eating it and find a pile of mushrooms. I wasn't going to make a fuss, just tell them that it had happened but our waitress (who hadn't served our meals) went and got the manager and they were all so apologetic and gave me a second one and then didn't charge me for either. That was pretty nice of them and the food was nice, not very Australian though!
I miss tasty cheese. They don't have tasty cheese here.
Anyway, this week I've got a pretty full on week which will be good. It means another week down. I bought Kelly Clarkson tickets on Friday so I'm off to see her in July so mum was like, oh so you won't be home before July? and I'm like, no. I think they've decided they're definitely coming over because they don't see me packing it in and going home earlier.
Apart from all that mumbo jumbo not much else to report on. Everything is still going well family wise and I'll see if changing where Alex does her homework will change how she is with me in the afternoon this week. Here's hoping!
Hope you all had a good weekend.

Angry Places

I saw Brokeback Mountain today and wow. You know I'll never understand why it was hardly showing at any cinemas in Melbourne. It was the most beautiful story. Jake Gyllenhaal is now my favourite actor after seeing that and Jarhead. He is awesome. But anyway, if you didn't see it yet, please do, it was a really good movie.
So today was another day. I'm looking forward to gymnastics tomorrow with Em. Last week was good for the two of us so I'm very excited about tomorrow! Alex again sent me to the angry places in my head. There is testing people and then there is just being a problem. At the moment Alex is in the latter catergory. I don't understand why every afternoon we have to have an argument over homework/washing our hands after we touch the bottom of our feet/not picking up Emily etc etc. It's ridiculous. Making me go crazy.
Apart from all that not much to report on, am not going out tonight. Will call home and chat to mum who's on leave from work and then have another early night because I am still tired. Could possibly be from smoking. Need to stop that.
I hope all's well! Miss you all!

Officially Maxed Out

I just wrote an email to Mel and mentioned that it's become obvious to myself now that I have settled. This is because of one simple thing. I can go a few nights without getting on the net. And I can go weeks without bothering to reply to a single email. Also, I'm lazy on the updates. That means my life has become a) routine (again) and b) boring. To me anyway, and plus I'm not allowed to talk about shit anymore (Mel asked me long ago to stop talking about poo so I did). Sometimes poo is the only exciting part of my day. Not today though. The exciting part of my date was my date with pain and checking my bank account to see I am officially maxed out. I got my credit bill last month and guess what? I'd spent $1,400 Australian dollars. IN A MONTH. Who the fuck does that? Apart from me. Who spends that much money? I do have some nice clothes to show for it. And I did have an active social life. Oh I guess it was my birthday month and I did have a good birthday. Oh forgot the ice cream which I was trying to soften and have probably now melted. So anyway, back to me. I feel like after I have a massage that I have to go and have one just to recover.
I haven't forgotten anyone. I feel like I have to keep saying to people, yes I'm lazy but no I haven't forgotten.
Did you all have a good Easter? I relaxed. Clean my bathroom, tidied my bedroom, watched a movie, read a whole book which cancelled out the relaxing because I went to bed at 2am and had to start work at 9am. Very stupid of me.
I had a fight with Rachel on the phone the other day and she put dad on to me who had nothing to say because we spoke the day before. Mind you, I spoke to mum two days in a row (should I say listened to mum?) and still don't think I told her about some of the half interesting stuff that happened last week. She tells me every story, including EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DETAIL. I do love her and it's nice to feel like I'm hardly missing out on a thing. It's awfully hard being away from home. Don't interpret that as me being homesick cause right now I'm ploughing ahead to be home in Feb and enjoy my time along the way. Oh that reminds, I should transfer the money that I just had deposited into the credit account and book the accommodation for DC now. Good thinking 99. I know I said about the maxed out card and blah blah blah but this is a necessity (I had to look up how to spell that word).
Anyway, I should go. Hope all is well. If you guys emailed me your cell/mobile numbers (I'm saying cell so much now, so much easier than mobile which I struggle to say) I would be able to keep in contact easier because I would text you at odd hours with odd things! How fun!

what's up?

so, not much going on here. did i say that chinatown was a let down? yeah it was. but still, i can say i've been there done that!
today not much went on. alex was at home again as the nurse checked her hair this morning before she went to class and she had three eggs in there so she was home today. then pat came home from work to do her hair again and i did about 8 loads of washing, washing all the sheet, pillows and doona's again! if i have to do that again in the next 5 days i'm going to stcik my head in there with the load! it's sending me bonkers!
i think emily is getting sick again as she keeps putting her fingers in her ears, and slept an awful lot and was really whingy at times, like when she was set off she would just keep going. so that was fun. tomorrow i'm working 12-8 so i get a sleep in and i can't wait. i was tired today and i just thought about going to bed but released they're clean laundry all over it. yip-de-do-da-day. clean laundry. it's killing me. i spend my days doing lundry.
it's sharmain's last week this week, which makes me sad. i don't want her to go! but i'm planning a big road trip up to winton to see her when i get home. whatever car i end up getting it's going to get a major increase in milage next year!
so yeah, that's me for the moment. i sent out pics and if they didn't work, let me know, i sent a few too many. i should have split them up. sorry!
love ya

I've been lazy

Well, the sadness I was feeling last week has disappeared and I'm back to feeling good! It was a long yet quick week seeing me have a pretty large disagreement with Alex, then locking Emily AND the keys in the car at the car wash after I'd already done a brilliant job of making myself look like the biggest idiot then having to ask the men who work there (they were Mexican's) to break into the car for me. Highly stressful. It can't be considered child abuse though because Emily thought it was the greatest thing. The reason it happened in the first place was because she wouldn't get in her car seat and was running aroun the car then I realised the car seat wasn't plugged in because they'd cleaned the seats so that gave her the opportunity to run into the very back. Mildly stressed me out. Then on Friday Alex was sent home because she had nits. Thank god Pat was home but the house went into crisis mode, I can not describe to you the panic that followed. Friday night I went out with the girls and when I went to McDonalds to get something to eat at like 1:30am I drove straight past the talking box and straight to the window. I'd had a couple of drinks and thought I was fine to drive, it had been a few hours earlier, but was probably not because of this experience alone, not to mention it took me three goes to get out of Sharmain's driveway where I'd parked my car. So anyway, I sped past the order box and straight to the window and the woman is looking at me and I'm like, do you want me to drive around again and place my order? I'm such a dickhead.
I spent majority of last week tired, I went out Wednesday night and almost fell asleep at the table. But I got a pretty good night sleep last night and am feeling good. Today I'm off to Chinatown with Sharmain. I've still no idea what I'm going to do because she finishes next week. Sabrina, Angelika's replacement, sends me up the wall. She's flirting with this Navy guy the other night (one of the ones who we met when we went out for my birthday) and doesn't tell him she has a boyfriend because "he didn't ask" but then he wanted to see all the photos she had of people back home and guess what photo she didn't show?? Yes, the one of her boyfriend. She makes me sick. I don't like her. So then I've got Magda and Marcella and Caro. Except Marcella is pretty much seeing one of the Navy guys from the night of my birthday dinner.
Yeha, great huh? At least I should be able to save more money!
Anyway, I better go, my clothes that I want to wear today are in the dryer and I have to go in like 30 minutes so I'm hoping and praying that they're at least half dry. Although the washing machine took so long so it is sure to take double the time. Fuck.
I am promising to reply to emails this week, starting with yours Jo cause I said that same thing last week. I was just tired and lazy last week. Now I am refreshed and not lazy and ready to attack my replies and be on time!
Take care!

Life goes on

So I'm back in Chicago and was so pleased to be back in the cold and with my friends so close by! Florida was great, but didn't happen at the best of time and spent half the time a bit homesick. Lately I find myself spending too much time thinking about mum's offer to pay for my flight home. I don't want to throw it in but I'm struggling here most days with the kids. Yesterday Alex flew off the handle when I tried to put her into a timeout. It was so intense and I was so angry. It's like I spend my time talking to myself cause they just don't listen and that annoys the crap out of me. I'm tyring my hardest but feel like I'm spending half my time floundering and the other half drowning. Having your own kids is so much different to looking after others, not that I know that firsthand, but at least if they were my own I wouldn't be second guessing myself all the time. Driving me insane. And it's only been 2 months!! Dear god, speed up the time.
I'm going to check out what classes are on offer for the summer because if there's something that takes my fancy then I might get that over and done with. At the same time, taing a class in fall might help the last few months fly. Such a hard decision!
My hours over the next week and a half are so all over the place, and I'm struggling to be able to plan evening stuff cause I don't know what kind of schedule I'm going to have. I'm whinging, I shouldn't be. I'll stop. It's just hard. I want to come home but at the same time I don't want to because I made the statement that I was coming here for 12 months so I need to bloody well stick it out. I don't want to quit. I will not quit. I should write that on a piece of paper and put it on the mirror or something, that way I can keep repeating it to myself. I already am though!
How's everything back there? I must admit my inbox is OUT OF CONTROL. Sorry if I haven't replied, I'm getting there. I'm just still tired. Everything will work itself out.
Take care!