the reaction

so, it turns out when i emailed my mum to tell her about the extension news her server at work was down. so she found out through rachel. so guess what? she's hit the roof. big time. i get this email yesterday, which i'll paste bits of because if i was eatting something at the time, i would've chocked:
"I'm so gladPat is happy with your decision, naturally that's the most important thing.Must keep Pat happy. Your sister will not be coming over, firstly because she won't have the money and secondly I don't think she would want to fly all that way on her own and yes I think she is quite upset about your decision. But it's your decision to make and you've obviously made it based on what you feel is right for you. It's also helped me make a few decisions and I think I'll box up all your things and rent your room out, as it will be empty for over 12 mths now which doesn't make a lot of sense."
heck that's pretty much the whole email. so that's it. how things change.
i was so angry i actually wrote back and told her i didn't appreciate her hostility towards my decision, blah blah blah, pack up my room if that's what you want, clearly it's your house and i have no say and then said i was so angry that i had nothing else to say.
i was angry. so i stewed on it for while i watched two-a-days which made my concentration on the show pretty shotty, then thought i'll text rach. god only knows if mum got my first email in reply to one of her others because i couldn't make sense of the sequence of events to her finding out. but yeah, she was ranting and raving and pissed off as all hell. and i'm sitting here thinking, you're the one who was saying to rach that i should marry a damn american and you're flipping over an extra 6 months? so today, after more thinking (i must admit, i almost caved but figured i'm far far away and don't have to actually listen to it) i emailed them tonight, at the home address because clearly sending it to her work address where the server might be down could cause issues, stating why i had decided to stay (not to keep anyone but me happy [i didn't say that, i'd have sounded selfish] and not because someone had told me to [she has it in her head that chelle told me to, i may have put that idea in her head by not repeating the conversation we had accurately, i didn't realise she'd get so damn angry]), why i am only staying 6 months, and i am not comfortable with my stuff being packed up but if that's what she really wanted to go and do clearly i've no say. then i finished off with saying i'll be calling for fathers day and not to bother talking to me if she planned on arguing and the same goes for dad. isn't that just a lovely email? i was very calm. i had to control myself so bad to not write back last night and go off about her split personalities (i think she really suffers from them) and to go to hell because for once i am happy with my life.
so yeah. happy happy families. on top of that i'm figuring out that someone who i once felt close to i am not so close to anymore and it could any number of reasons, but to be honest, i'm getting lazy with that and feel like things like that shouldn't be such hard work. and i still haven't called jas back from the weekend my parents left, so that's got to be done and i need to write my grandparents, who i still haven't written to since they went up to the gold coast for winter.
so that's me in a nutshell right now.

alright, so i think i posted sunday night which means you only need 48 hours of catch up, i'm going to write it out in points.
1. i got terribly emotional yesterday and alex made me cry. there were a lot of reasons but alex was just the one who pushed me. not a lot actually, it was frustration. i think it shocked the kids though.
2. had college and the text book i got on ebay is the wrong one but no one else has theirs yet either so i'm going to have to suck it up and buy one, secondhand is $70 so that makes me feel a little better. but that class is a complete brain drainer. so much info about a country i clearly know shit about. australia is so different.
3. i got my papers from cultural care today with info about extending, i thought they should send that before the flight papers. SO i spoke to pat and i am going to extend. they are really happy to have me stay on so that made me happy. at the moment i haven't settled on another 6 or 9 months but i don't have to worry about that until the end of november. so i won't be back home for a while yet guys. i know i was doing the countdown but last night i had a dream which confirmed my decision (a coin toss done with chelle on the phone, it came up heads i stay) and it was my parents driving me home from the airport and me thinking, i should have extended, i wish i'd extended. so i did it. i hope not too many people are upset and disappointed, i will be home, mum's dream of me staying here and getting married doesn't look like it's going to come true so nothing to worry about. and plus it'll make it all the more sweeter when i do get home i guess. it means allie and adam and jo and luke no getting married in the next 18 months pretty much. sorry to organise lives but ya know, i've gotta be there for those occassions.
and that's all my news. not much. fell on the ground today showing off while kicking the soccer ball around, was doing so well until that moment, bloody hurt too and i can't remember the last time i fell like that. emily thought it was planned though so came bounding up to me all giggly, she's so cute.
will go now. hope everyone is well.

bye bye magda

well, tonight it was magda's goodbye dinner. the first one i've been emotional with in regards to saying goodbye. she has probably been one of the main factors in getting me to relax and chill out. i hope after she goes we still organise to catch up as she was always the one who took care of that.
apart from that sad news i had a very low key weekend. made the calls i had to back home as i am finding myself running out of time and energy to keep in contact with people these days. this week my task is to send out the postcards from my trip (i know, very late) and write to my grandparents seeing as they write me every week.
not much else going on apart from that. i've 3 days off next weekend for labour day (i should labor seeing as it's the american holiday but i feel lazy doing that) so for the saturday and sunday i am planning on being downtown to do the stuff i haven't go around to yet, like seeing buckingham fountain and doing a river boat cruise (i've a coupon for that!).
hope everyone had a good weekend!

tuesday

so i went to my first class of college last night and call me stupid but i didn't know we were supposed to have already got our text books and read them! not entirely have read them, but read them a bit. i was saved by the fact that the main book we use isn't in the bookstore. and then found out it costs about $94 american. i almost fell over. so i got on ebay today and bidded on one. then i bought another one off amazon. three books we need. i have to make tim to read three history books. i like chick lit and war books, history is gonna be a struggle. but the bonus is, the other people in my class are american's!! so i might actually have an american friend here. unbelievable.
the kids have gone to bed. i should go to bed soon because i have to be up early to get alex and matthew up and off to school. pat's mum is going to come and help out in the arvo and i'm hoping that when emily's down i might be able to get in an hour nap cause i'm going to be fucked.
mum and dad are putting in the money to my account today so i can book my tickets for november (lozz - i'm booking my tickets within the next 36 hours, so there is no way in hell either of us can back out). and i still haven't made any decision as to whether i should stay or go. i'm definitely thinking the coin toss is going to happen. i say i want to stay then i think, no i want to go, i say i'll go and i think no i want to stay. hard hard hard.
anyway, will go as i want to check my bank account again and flights to ensure they're still the same price.
oh and by the way, i forgot to mention i told my lcc (she's like my first point of contact in case something is not right or somthing) about merwin because he'd done some other stupid things to other girls. so i told her what had happened to me and she was shocked and then she wanted to know if i knew anything about anyone else so i told her what i knew. so karen met with merwin and his host mum, told them what she knew and the host mum decided that he had to leave. so he was supposed to be on a flight home this thursday. karen calls me tonight and says he did a runner this morning and is now illegal in the country. thank god he never found out my address. mind you, since he'd been found out he hasn't contacted anyone so maybe he just wanted to get away from south africa.

backlog of news

ok, finally i have time and energy to do a post on my vacation and seeing my parents again. starting from the start. friday night:
i prayed for a traffic jam the whole way to o'hare and got caught up for 2 miles, not quite enough to save me so i was at the airport an hour early. maya gave me a call at 6:45, now i know it was this time because i kept clock watching and said at 6:45 i will allow myself to go outside for my last cigarette until i am on my way home from seeing my parents. so that passed enough time to see me standing at the main exit doors waiting for my parents to appear. now, if you don't know, in america you can't go and wait for anyone at their gate, i know in international flights in aus you have to wait behind the doors but in america you wait down in the baggage claim and everyone getting off a plane comes through down there. depending on where in the terminal they are there is a possibility of coming out of three different doors and you have to remember to be in the right terminal, there are 3 domestic terminals at o'hare alone. so i was waiting at the main doors. for ages. and ages. and i'm keeping an eye out on the baggage carosel where i said i'd meet them if for some reason we didn't catch one another at the doors. then i saw a head that looks like my dad's, then my mum's and they were walking in the opposite direction, so you know what i did? i ran to them. quite nicely i might add. so yes, we were all happy and excited to see one another and they commented on how lovely i looked etc etc and we had a fine night. almost ran out of gas on the way home and went to the filthiest toilet EVER (in a gas station ran by an indian, says everything, that race is filthy. i'm not racist, i've just had enough experience to know the men at least are disgusting). i was still shuddering in the car at the thought of it an hour later.
this is going to be a long post isn't it? i haven't even left for my vacation yet.
saturday:
as you know pat drove me downtown and did i mention the water heater breaking on the friday night when i got home? yeah i noticed some weird noise when i got home wasn't gonna do shit about it ither but thought i wouldn't be able to sleep with it so went and woke pat. so that excitement ocured and i hadn't showered since thursday by the time i saw my parents. i was feeling pretty gross, especially because of the filthy toilet. dad was sick and so we chilled out in the room. i showed them all my new clothes. mum gave me pics to see and then we got dressed and went to navy pier. they were impressed with the fireworks. i didn't take any pictures this time. noticed at this point my dad's controlling-ness which i'd forgotten. doesn't like me to know more than he. also mum made a good example of why proper walking shoes are a good idea if working. not much had changed.
sunday:
it was a rainy day but we set out to go see millenium park via walgreens. turns out my parents love walgreens. it's a pharmacy/mini mart/make up counter/souvenir shop. anything really, walgreens is like a one stop shop. so they bought up big with souveniers. then we cauht a cab downtown and to the bean. mum and dad liked it. we went to old navy to try and find dad some shorts and mum some clothes. she got a whole new outfit, the shoes were the most important thing because she needed something that wouldn't hurt her feet. they were getting in their fall clothes so dad couldn't get shorts. after this we got on a train and seperated. dad went to the cubs game and mum and i went to connect to another train and go to armitage ave to go shopping in a nice part of town. mum was pretty tired herself so we had lunch in a funky little pub/bar (it had a pub atmosphere to it). we looked at a few shops and mum bought me some paper for my scrapbooking then we went to a 7eleven for mum to get stuff and we caught a cab bakc to the hotel cause mum was so tired. i was grateful cause i was exhausted myself. we had a nap in the arvo.
monday:
flew southwest which was a pretty good airline. basic but decent leg room, big enough seats and open seating, so sit wherever you can get a seat. sat next to a turkish woman who i think assumed my parents to be rich and possible buyers of a turkish condo. dunno. she invited me to stay with her in spain. i think she'll be dead before i've enough money to do that one. picked up the rental car, couldn't be put on as an additional driver, i needed to be down as the main driver, dad didn't think of that so i couldn't drive. but got gps, nifty little tool that is. this is the day my parents really bugged me. or started to. my mum's little catty outbursts/tantrums on this day saw the three of us hardly speaking. nightmare. the hotel in memphis was alright, definitely not as plush at the whitehall in chicago but good enough. we went to sun studios this afternoon. they use it as a recording studio today. for those if who who don't know the importance of sun studios it was the first place where elvis, johnny cash and jerry lee lewis recorded their first songs and records. since re-opening u2 have recorded there as well as heaps of other bands. very cool place. go there if you're in memphis. there's only three things worth seeing in memphis, that, beale street and graceland. we did beale street that night had dinner in a pub/bar, can't remember the name. then went back to the hotel where i called angelika and said i am going to extend, my parents are driving me crazy.
tuesday:
went to the peabody hotel first to see the ducks march through the lobby and into the pond. very cute. then we headed for graceland. oh my gosh. what a place. so tacky. the guy had very interesting taste in decortating... the second level can't be accessed as the family still own it and use for holiday's, plus the bathroom where elvis died is up there also. it was pretty cool to see all his stuff, plus the jungle room and all his cars. the basement was my favourite place, his record room was the best. after graceland we went in search of a mall and found a department store called dillards where mum and dad had a ball and i just wanted to sit down and rest. my dad mak three bad remakrs to me that afternoon so i was in no mood to eat, so i didn't and went to put in a mood.
wednesday:
spn the day in the car driving. by this point in time dad had almost veered off the road a couple of times, have been driving on the other side of the road and just generlaly making me nervous. we stopped at a 'collectors' store in some backwater town in alabama and oh my god, i thought i was going to see an extra head grow out of the guy who worked there. he was wearing a grubby general lee t-shirt and coke bottle glasses. weirdo. we stayed in the embassay suites in atlanta which were very nice. had the best breakfast! this was also the day that my memory card fucked up. pat has takn it away with her this weekend for one of her collegues to play with and see if my photos can be salvaged.
thursday:
we went to stone mountain. the only thing i saw of atlanta apart from the skyline. there's an engraving on the mountain of the confederate president jefferson davis, general robert e. lee and lt. general thomas "stonewall" jackson. now i'll copy and paste the info on how big the carving is: The entire carved surface of the Memorial Carving measures three acres, larger than a football field. The carving of the three men towers 400 feet above the ground, measures 90 by 190 feet, and is recessed 42 feet into the mountain. The deepest point of the carving is at Lee's elbow, which is 12 feet to the mountain's surface. that afternoon we got caught in rain and had to wait a while before i ran to get the car then i was soaked and sat in the car waiting for mum and dad, had to have the air going to dry dad's seat from me being so wet.
friday:
we headed to chattanooga in the morning after another fantastic breakfast and got to the hotel early. mum and dad had to do laundry so i watched tv. then we went to lunch and out to the chatanooga national cemetery. mum and dad enjoyed that, i felt like i'd seen it before as it was like arlington on a smaller scale. was weird though, they'd obviously just had burials as there were two fresh graves with the flowers on and one of the families arrived while mum and dad were down that way to collect the cards off the grave. after that we went to the battlefield. now i can't quite remember the name of it, if it even had a name, but it was a very strange place. all over the place were monuments, dotted on the hills, alongside the road, anywhere somthing occured. but the strangest thing was it didn't look like the trees had advanced in all the years since the civil war so you could imagine the armies hiding in the trees and then charging onto the grass to fight. hard to explain without doing a diagram or seeing the pics. we went to a cool pub that night, the hair of the dog, we all got a t-shirt there. if you're ever in chattanooga that's where i recommend you go.
saturday:
headed to nashville and detoured along the way to visit the jack daniels distillery still in operation in lynchburg, tn. now that was orth the detour. there's just over 300 people in the town and it thrives on the distillery. the gift shop wasn't even on the premises, was in the main part of town. now if that don't show you the not so capitalistic attitude of those people then i don't know what does. the tour was great, thank god i wasn't driving as the fumes alone, plus walking up and down stairs and in and out of buildings had me feeling a bit woozy. we went into the town and mum bought some stuff and dad and i got t-shirts and we had lunch there. from here we got back on the raod and continued to nashville. i thought this room smelt. i didn't like this hotel at all. it was called the club inn or something. the ladies at reception got us tickets to the grand ol' opry to see some show going on but it wasn't until 9:30 so we went into the opry mills there, a big mall, where enroute to locate a bathroom for mum she found a store all about apples. by this time i was so tired i was struggling to speak or remember things. so i was like a sheep trying to breka out and myself my own patch of grass but struggling to so just followed the herd. we had dinner at tony roma's, nice place, good food, recommend it. after this we went over to go in for our show. it was like a live show to the audience, but they were obviously filming for a tv show or a radio show because when the program would have ads, we would. we only lasted til 11, we were wiped and due to the england thing with the psychos planning to bomb a plane we had to be at the airport 2 hours early so we left.
sunday:
flew back to chicago, so nice to be home. i drove mum and dad around, showed them places and then came home. was going to see a movie with kellie and rodolfo but they didn't get there in time so i met them back in gurnee and went to starbucks.
and that's it. the week after spending all my time with my parents was better because we ad our seperate things to do. they were very impressed to see me handle three kids and not only that, but see that the kids and i like one another a lot!
mum loved the u.s so much she's planning another trip over in a couple of years. she also seemed fine about the chance of me extending on, not only that, but commented several times about how great it would be if i married an american because then she'd get free accommodation and home cooked meals. extending for another 6-9 months is a bit different to staying forever!
dad caught the shopping bug but they managed to have space to take home my souvenir stuff and books that i'd got in d.c.
so yes, i did have more fun times than bad times, it wasn't a horrible trip and i was grateful for not paying for hardly a thing. on top of that i think they're going to give me (i said i'd pay them back even though mum said no) money to book my november trip. now if it sounds like they were happy about doing so then please don't think that. mum wasn't going dad, i knew dad was cause he'd already mentioned it. but i didn't ask for it. that's the thing. and i was under the impression they'd leave without telling me they'd give it to me so again, i am truly grateful for that because otherwise lozz might have been doing nyc by herself (lozz -this was part of a new plan that i hadn't told you about because i was still trying to work it out... don't freak out).
now tonight i have my first class at college and i'm just cooking my dinner. i'm also sick for the first time in two and a bit months and feeling pretty crappy. pat has gone to dallas for a conference and i was alone with the kids last night. tonight they're at their greg's and his parents place and tomorrow i'll pick them up again and be alone with them again until wednesday when her mum comes to help out. so that's it for the time being. this has been a big post. i tried to keep it short. sorry!

touching base

just wanted to say i survived the south. won't write much now as i am very tired. my parents are at their hotel and i am home. i've no idea where pat is but i have to drive up to wisconsin tomorrow to pick up the kids. i don't quite know what the go is because the mini van isn't here and i don't know plat's plans so if it isn't here tomorrow i'll give her a call.
the trip was alright, ups and downs a lot. my memory card got corrupted somehow crossing into georgia (i don't think it had anything to do with crossing the state line, it's just when it happened) so i'm pretty sure all my pics from memphis are gone and that really badly upset me as i took awesome ones at sun studio and graceland. so from that i am now planning a trip back there just to retake the photos pretty much (it really did devastate me).
parents wise (surprise surprise) they drove me insane. from the happy carefree state i'd been in suddenly i was self conscious again and uptight and i don't know why. so that upset me some more. i am severely sleep deprived, early mornings aren't my thing.
so i will say goodnight now and try and get the trip info up early this week.
hope everyone is well!

super dooper quick

pat's driving me downtown and we're about to leave. need to call parents hotel, might have to sit in the lobby forever. last night i was so early it wasn't funny. anyway, the reason for this post is to say there won't be another one until after i return, which will be sunday 13th. allie's birthday. i didn't send you a card on time by the way, nor yours alycia, it'll be done when i get home. so yeah. i'm going to keep a diary so i can actually remember everything i do and you get to know EVERY detail.
have fun. take care. my cell is +18477021199 from australia, i finally know it.
see ya

passing time

well, i have to leave in 20 minutes to get my parents and i am ready. so ready i'm going to make myself sick by not leaving so i thought i might do an update about not much at all. emily went to the potty today 3 times! this is a record, especially seeing as we haven't been doing it for weeks. she took herself off there this morning, i have to help her remove the diaper and unsnap her clothes but she sits down and does her business. completely fantastic. it was a pretty big bum around day though. matthew threw a little tantrum this morning because i said it was unacceptable on a weekday to still be in pj's past 11:30am. like i'm one to speak but he had been up for hours, normally i'm only surfacing. two minutes has passed since i started typing. this sucks. i should just go. i'm going to get stuck in traffic, what if i dont? then i'm there far too early. they arrive in just under 2 hours from l.a. so technically they've been in the u.s. since this morning and i've been nervous (i don't know if that's the correct term but it does feel like nerves, mind you, i often get fear, excitement and nervousness a little confused sometimes, the same affect happens to my body, though it depends on what kind of excited i am, like if it's good news abouta friend then i'll be puppy wiggly excited, or if i'm seeing my parents for the first time in 6 months i'm shitting-myself-about-to-throw-up-need-a-cigarette nervous/excited. this bracket has gone for long enough).
anyway, that took away another 2 minutes. by the time i get on the expressway it'll be 5:30 and who knows, tonight traffic could be beastly. ok, you know, i talked myself into it. i'm gonna go. i should go to the bathroom first cause i'm gonna need to wee in about 5 minutes once i get in the car.
i'll leave an update tomorrow then it will be nothing til i get back from vacay!

i'm crazy

so, wanna know something funny?? my parents aren't getting divorced. just spoke to mum. her email was her idea of a joke... infact, she and rachel were discussing ingrown hairs while rachel was waxing mum's legs. so she thought it would be funny because she knows i get funny talking about such topics. hilarious huh?
and my nana, bless her, is giving me $300 which mum and dad are putting into my account today. so i'm out of money trouble for a while.
so life is pretty good. and if goes well this time in 48 hours i'll be seeing mum and dad. very exciting. mum's dreading the flight but once it's over and done with she'll be fine.
so hot here so i hope it cools down for them. the past few days have been around the 37-39 mark, long heatwave.
emily still isn't asleep and i should be finishing at 9 instead of 10 so i want to go and get ready to go out!
see ya

woe is me

well, i'm tired. i think going out has caught up on me. and the kids have been on edge a little. emily and alex are sick so alex has been whinier than usual which quickly gets on my nerves. emily is taking massively long naps because she's running a fever which would be nice but today we had to get to the grocery and buy new goldfish for the fishtank and be home in time to put the potatoes in the oven for dinner. mildly stressful when emily wouldn't stay in the trolley so i ended up pushing it and carrying her at times (it was quicker). anyway, haven't heard from marwin, who was called nutty mcnuterson by parker so i've taken to calling him that to myself, since sunday night when i hung up from his incoming call and left a voice saying he missed my kisses sometimes and finished with i love you. ew ew ew. and i probably won't be seeing him tomorrow night as i'm working until 10 so i'll only be going to friday's if the girls will still be there for a while longer. and i doubt he'll be invited on thursday night to angelika's and andrea's goodbye dinner.
so in the midst of the other update the other night i forgot to add another piece of frustrating news i got. which was from my mum telling me that she'd had a big 'D&M' (her words, not mine) with rach and would so with me but i'd find it more hard to accept. but i wasn't to try and get it out of rachel. so i ignored, very big of me actually. but i'm pissed. if she dare tells me her and dad are splitting up (there is a rational thought behind this, not me thinking like a crazy woman) then of curse i'll have a hard fucking time of accepting it. i'll hit the fucking roof and break through it. i'll move out of home (i'm well aware this not an option right now, had to beg rachel for money tonight, more on that later), i won't be happy. of course she could be telling me something else, like they're adopting a child (as if) but apart from the divorce thing, i've no fucking clue what it could be about. oh it's nice to vent but has made me angry.
now, about the money. after the shopping the other night i put myself in a shitty position of being overdrafted AGAIN but this time in both my access and credit card accounts. not pretty. so sunday night i was emailing my nana and confided in her that my credit card was maxed and i was having to ask mum and dad for a loan but said not to tell mum and dad as i didn't want her to. so then mum emails me yesterday and says nana has deposited money into their account for me and that they'll bring it with them. i was like, oh my godness i can't accept money from a pensioner. but she's done it. so i said, put it in my account (which needs it) but, too late, dad's already withdrawn it and might not get back to the credit union to put it in my account. oh she's emailed now. nothing about the money just about my mature decisions (more on that later). so i email rachel and have to beg and plead for her to put $90 into my account. i don't know if that'll cover everything, but it'll be better that the negative amounts i currently have. but the thing is, she doesn't have internet banking, very non technological is my sister. to walk into a bank is a novelty for me, she's had dad depositing money for her and no bills to ever pay. so yeah, that's my dilemma with money for today.
now, about my mature decisions; i applied for uni today. the application isn't final cause i can't pay for it yet, surprise surprise. but, here are my prefences:
1. rmit, bundoora (around the corner) - education
2. uni of melb (i had to give in), parkville - education
3. vic uni, footscray park (shitsville) - education (p-12)
4. uni of ballarat, ballarat - education (p-10)
and i don't think i'll change them either. the bad thing is, it pretty much came down to location because in the end, i guess all the courses are the same, it's just the way they sell themselves on the course outline on the website. so mum called that my very mature decision. which is great. if she and my father are splitting up i can't say that i'll say the same thing. they'll ruin my holiday. what on earth could i have such a hard time accepting apart from that? she knows my view on divorce. or view on divorce of my parents. i told her before i left if it happened i wouldn't come home.
anyway. i can't dwell. it'll make me more upset. and i didn't return my library book tonight so i've another overdue payment to make. like is jolly. wasn't i suppose to have a good money year planets?
the kids are off to great america tomorrow so i've just got emily. don't know if i should plan much as it might be far too hot again to be outside and i don't know how she'll be feeling. but we'll definitely do the pool after dinner, that girl is a fish. oh talking of girl fish. i watched aquamarine today. did you know it is australian and they tried to sell it off as being set in florida? i stated watching it thinking, it's so beautiful at this place then as each new actor appars i'm like "he's australian!" "she's australian!" and when i saw the shopping scene where they went to 'tampa' i was like, oh it's an australian movie with american accents! they shopped in diva and had giordano bags. silly duffers. was a good movie though.
anyway, will go. this has probably been long again. sorry! hope you're all well. i now need to print the directions from the aiport to mum and dad's hotel to my home.